What’s interesting about this “Steroid Era” that baseball is trying to move beyond, is that there is no precedent to go by when judging these ball players, some alleged and some admitted users of PEDs. Much like attempting to instruct people how to behave themselves on Facebook, this is a 21st Century problem with not much history to refer to for help. For this writer (who does not have a Hall Of Fame vote), one of the interesting cases is that of the home run king*, Barry Bonds. One will hear baseball fans often say “Bonds was a Hall Of Famer BEFORE he took steroids”. While no one with the exception of Roberto Clemente has been inducted into Cooperstown earlier than 5 years before retiring, the understanding is that from 1986-1998, Barry Bonds was well on his way, having amassed over 400 HR and 400 SB. But in a topic that has been discussed so thoroughly, I have rarely heard anyone ask the most basic question regarding Bonds: WHY?. Prior to 1999, Bonds already had made millions, won 3 MVPs, and for a decade had been regarded as the most feared hitter and all-around player in the National League. Why jeopardize your livelihood, your fortune, your legacy as a player? True, steroids weren’t illegal in MLB in 1999 and clearly most players appear to have been taking them at the time. (Sometimes ESPN will show the All-Star home run derby from the late 90s and early 2000s at 3am, and looking back it’s amazing to think how no one seemed to notice that all of the hitters looked more like bodybuilders than baseball players.). I think if we remember 1998, it’s easy to see just why indeed Barry chose to upgrade his cap to a size 9 3/4 and become “Baroid”. So at this point, I would like to put myself in the shoes of 2013 Barry Bonds, and call a press conference that is probably 10 years overdue. Thank you members of the media and viewers at home. I am addressing you today to finally come clean. The fact that I have used PEDs does not come as a shock to many people anymore. Being that my head and upper body grew immensely as did my offensive numbers. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy completely dominating baseball for about 8 years. It’s a pretty powerful feeling when you know you every pitcher in the league is afraid of you, and the one good pitch per game you see, you hit 415 feet for some guy in a canoe to retrieve. It was kinda like playing video games on “beginner”. That said, I want you to know why I chose to go down this path. For 10 years, I was satisfied with being the best all around player in the NL. Ken Griffey, Jr. and myself were the two best all around players of the 1990s. And then in 1998, these two inferior players, .250 hitters, poor defensively, 100+ strikeout hitters, started blasting home runs. McGwire and Sosa could never steal bases, make game saving plays in the field, or deliver a winning single with the game on the line in the 9th inning. These guys were body builders with bats. And all of a sudden, the county unanimously agreed that the two of them “saved baseball” with their home run record chase in 1998. I was all WTF? Everyone in the league knew that they were juicing. So I was all, “I’ll show you what a good player can do on steroids”. And I took those shits. And you see what I did. I put up Ruthian slugging percentage numbers. I hit .370. My OBP was nearly .500! And not for nothing, Babe Ruth had Lou Gehrig behind him. I had Rich Aurilia and Jeff Kent. So ya see, that’s why I did it. So sure, call me a cheater, try to throw out my 73 in 2003 or the 762 overall. But you can’t count anything McGwire or Sosa did as a home run record either. The whole generation is tarnished. The pitchers I hit them off were on steroids. But baseball believed that the home run would get fans interested again after the strike of 1994. So yeah, of course I was on the juice. I’ve got collapsing joints all over my body and the tumors to prove it. But just remember, I didn’t start this problem. I just couldn’t live with guys as crappy as Sammy Sosa being the MVP. So maybe if I didn’t go completely beast mode for 8 years, maybe nothing would’ve been done to combat this problem. Well it’s good to see that PEDs are out of the game now. Oh that’s right, they aren’t. Mwuhahahaha. Bonds out!. Well, I may have taken a few liberties with the eccentric nature of Bonds character. He has never been known to be a great interview, and certainly I had a little fun putting myself in his shoes, but the idea about the 1998 home run chase simply has to be said. Bonds out.